Self-awareness is an essential leadership competency. Yet despite its importance, many leaders I work with haven’t focused enough on developing it. RAIN is one approach to developing self-awareness around our emotions.
Developing Self-Awareness with RAIN
RAIN is a mindfulness practice designed to help you recognize difficult emotions and thoughts so that you can respond wisely, not react, to challenging situations. It allows you to reconnect to yourself and your purpose and choose a leader-like path.
RAIN is an acronym for an easy-to-use practice for bringing mindfulness and compassion to emotional difficulty using the following four steps:
Recognize what is happening Allow the experience to be there, just as it is Investigate with interest and care Nurture with self-compassion
R—Recognize What is Happening
Recognizing means consciously acknowledging and naming what you are experiencing in the present moment. Identifying the thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors that are affecting you without judgment. This can be a done by simply noting what you are most aware of.
It is impossible to deal with an emotion—to be resilient in the face of difficulty—unless we recognize and acknowledge that we’re experiencing it. So, the first step is simply to notice what is coming up. Suppose you’ve had a conversation with a colleague that leaves you feeling uneasy and agitated. Instead of trying to push away or ignore your discomfort, this practice asks you to look more closely. You might recognize that what you are experiencing is anger. Then this might be followed by the awareness that you are judging yourself for being angry.
A—Allow the Experience to be There, Just as It Is
Allowing means accepting your experience as it is without trying to change it. Accepting the feelings, thoughts or sensations and simply allowing them to be there, without trying to fix or avoid anything. Put another way, you give yourself permission to feel whatever you are feeling.
This is the entry into self-compassion—you can see your thoughts and emotions arise and create space for them even if they are uncomfortable.
In our example, recognizing and allowing both the anger towards your colleague and your self-judgment to be there, gives you the opportunity to investigate and learn from them.
I—Investigate with Interest and Care
In this step of the practice, you bring a natural curiosity to your experience, you explore your thoughts and feelings with a sense of openness.
You might ask yourself:
- What aspect of my experience most wants my attention?
- How am I experiencing this in my body?
- What beliefs are underlying my current experience?
- What does this vulnerable place want or need from me right now?
Asking questions and exploring your emotions with a sense of openness and curiosity feels quite different from being caught up in the reaction or fixating on blame or wanting answers. There is so much freedom in allowing ourselves to cultivate curiosity and move closer to a feeling, rather than away from it.
In this practice we focus less on labeling the discomfort and more on gaining insight. We do not wallow, nor do we repress.
And it is important to remember that progress doesn’t mean that the negative emotions don’t arise. It’s that instead of feeling fixed and hard, they can become lighter, and we can have more choice in how we respond.
In our example, you might notice that you are experiencing the anger toward your colleague as a tightness in your chest which shuts down your ability to be present and perceive what is actually happening. And you might recognize a belief that you are a bad person if you express anger, leaving you feeling helpless and disempowered.
N—Nurture with Self-Compassion
The final step is an opportunity for you to offer yourself self-compassion in the midst of your present experience.
To do this, try to sense what the wounded, frightened or hurting place inside you most needs, and then offer some gesture of active care that might address this need. Does it need a message of reassurance? Of forgiveness? Of companionship? Of love?
In our example, you could use self-talk like: “What your colleague said hurt your feelings and hit you in a vulnerable place that reminded you of when your brothers taunted you and you felt powerless, it’s understandable that you’re feeling protective. I’m here with you right now, you’re safe, I’ve got you. And you’re not a bad person for feeling angry, it is natural.”
With this self-talk you may begin to feel calmer and more resilient and then be able to see how you might constructively communicate to your colleague that his comments were unprofessional. Or you may be able to resolve the feelings internally without needing to say anything.
After the RAIN
When you’ve completed the active steps of RAIN, it’s important to notice the quality of your own presence. By using RAIN you can consciously avoid being defined by a particular feeling, even as you may engage with it. You permit yourself to see your own anger, fear, or resentment—whatever is there—and instead of spiraling down into judgment (“I’m such a terrible person” or “they are such a terrible person”), you can make a gentle observation, like, “Oh, I’m really triggered right now.” This opens the door to a compassionate relationship with yourself, which is the real foundation of a compassionate relationship with others.
We cannot control what thoughts and feelings arise in us. But we can recognize them as they are—sometimes recurring, sometimes frustrating, many times painful, always changing. By allowing ourselves this simple recognition, we begin to accept that we will never be able to control our experiences, but we can transform our relationship to them. This changes everything.
Benefits of Practicing RAIN
- Increases self-awareness which allows you to recognize your triggers, understand how you’re perceived, align your actions with your intentions, and lead with more clarity and purpose.
- Reduces Anxiety – Helps in managing overwhelming feelings and stress
- Enhances Self-Compassion – Encourages a kinder relationship with yourself.
- Promotes Mindfulness – Increases awareness of the present moment and emotional states so that you can respond wisely to circumstances rather that reacting out of habitual patterns.