(646) 543-0931

Book a consultation
I don't know

The Surprising Phrase That Makes People Trust You More

Communication Skills & Style

Maren Perry

MA, PCC

PUBLISHED

Table of Contents

By: Maren Perry, MA, PCC In a recent executive session, a respected COO fielded a challenging question about compliance. Instead of offering a half-answer or dodging the moment, she responded: “I don’t know. I need more information.” No hedging, no apology; just clarity.  In high-level leadership, pressure to project certainty can become all-consuming. The higher the stakes, the more leaders feel they must appear composed and informed at all times. That expectation, whether external or self-imposed, often silences the most honest and useful response available: I don’t know. Over time, avoiding that phrase becomes a habit. Leaders sidestep truth in favor of polished placeholders. And as that habit takes hold, the culture around them begins to shift too, rewarding performance over presence, and appearance over alignment.

What Really Happens When Leaders Avoid Uncertainty

Leaders often equate their credibility with their ability to respond quickly and confidently, but that impulse can be limiting. When decisiveness is valued above discernment, teams may lose access to nuance, input, and innovation. A leader’s reluctance to show uncertainty discourages others from doing the same. Soon, ambiguity is treated like weakness, and truth becomes filtered through what’s “safe” to say. The result is a gradual breakdown in collaboration and creativity. People begin to withhold questions, avoid risk, and default to what saves face rather than what is actually helpful. This is rarely intentional. It’s a natural response to a leadership pattern that rewards certainty even when it isn’t real. When a leader openly admits they don’t have all the answers, they create space for trust, truth, and better thinking. That moment becomes an opportunity for truth to surface, for people to engage more fully, and for the right solution to take shape, even if it isn’t immediate. And saying “I don’t know” isn’t limited to admitting a gap in facts, it’s also a way to lead through uncertainty with honesty and composure. When a leader acknowledges they don’t yet know what the market will do, how new policies will unfold, or what the full impact of a merger might be, they model transparency without panic. They communicate, implicitly or explicitly, “We may not have all the answers yet, but we have the capability, the team, and the mindset to figure it out together.” That kind of presence builds far more trust than pretending to know what no one can.

The Leadership Value of Clarity over Control

In conversations with senior executives, a common theme emerges. Leaders want to show up with more impact, but they often confuse confidence with control. They’ve been conditioned to associate “I don’t know” with incompetence, when in reality, it’s often the strongest and most strategic thing they can say. Teams respect leaders who pause to gather the right information. Rather than seeing uncertainty as indecision, they see it as thoughtful leadership. Clarity, not control, is what creates direction. And clarity begins with honesty.

Culture Mirrors the Leader

Teams tend to model the behavior of those at the top. When leaders resist vulnerability, their people do the same. But when leaders speak plainly and take responsibility for what they don’t yet know, they establish a tone of openness and psychological safety. Google’s landmark internal research, Project Aristotle, found that the highest-performing teams were not the ones with the most technical skill or subject-matter expertise. They were the teams where people felt safe to speak up, ask questions, and make mistakes. That level of safety only emerges when leaders show they’re willing to do those things too. By normalizing truth over image, leaders remove the fear of not knowing. That shift makes space for contribution, for better decision-making, and for stronger team cohesion.

Coaching the Leader Who Always Has the Answer

Many of the senior leaders we coach carry the pressure to have everything figured out. After all, their success up to this point has been built on confidence, decisiveness, competence, and performance. But that same conditioning can become a trap. When we begin exploring mindset in coaching sessions, we often uncover long-held beliefs: “If I don’t know, I’ll seem unprepared,” or “I need to prove I belong in this role.” These thoughts shape how they delegate, how they listen, and how they lead meetings. And they can be unlearned. The process of unearthing these blocks helps leaders recognize that their value isn’t tied to knowing everything, it’s tied to how they lead when things are uncertain. Instead of feeling pressure to be the expert in every room, leaders start showing up as facilitators of clarity and momentum. They begin to unhook their worth from certainty. They stop bracing for judgment in every meeting. And in that release, they become more confident, not less.

Strength Grows in the Pause

None of this is about being passive. Decisions still need to be made, and leaders must still lead. But there is wisdom in knowing when to pause. A leader who can say “I don’t know” at the right moment earns credibility by being real. They invite thinking instead of guessing, depth instead of speed. They also gain more from their people. High-performing employees want to engage, offer perspective, and help shape direction. When a leader shows that they don’t need to have everything locked down, it creates room for shared ownership. That ownership builds trust and, in turn, builds resilience.

Presence Builds Trust. Performance Doesn’t.

There is a quiet kind of power in choosing honesty when a polished answer would be easier. Saying “I don’t know” does not diminish a leader’s presence, it enhances it. It signals that the leader is grounded in truth, open to learning, and willing to engage with complexity. In environments where change is constant and ambiguity is high, this kind of leadership is not optional. It’s essential. In the moments when everyone is waiting for certainty, strong leadership isn’t who speaks first, but who’s willing to pause, reflect, and make space for the best answer to emerge.

Reach Out

Want to lead with more impact? Start by noticing where you’re holding back the truth, especially from yourself. Real growth begins when you’re willing to say, “I don’t know,” not as a sign of weakness, but as an act of clarity, presence, and trust. If you’re ready to shift how you lead, not just what you do, connect with Arden Coaching to learn how personalized executive coaching can help.

Explore More Communication Styles

Laura Hansen
A Mindful Approach for Leaders for Working with Difficult Emotions
Julianna Hynes
Leading Through Relationships: Who, Why, How, When
Jose Morales
Your Leadership Brand: Like It or Not, You’ve Got One
Maren Perry
The Strategic Power of Vulnerable Leadership in Uncertain Times
Maren Perry
How Executive Leadership Coaching Helps Leaders Redefine Failure

Explore The Arden 8™ Leadership Dimensions

Emotional Intelligence and Self Awareness

Communication Skills and Style​​

Empowering and Developing Others

Execution and Accountability​

Difficult Conversations and Feedback

Strategic Thinking and Decision Making

Executive Presence and Influence

Navigating Change and Uncertainty

Looking for a custom engagement?

Talk to us about putting together a program that fits your circumstances.

Let's Chat

(646) 543-0931

Book a consultation